I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
