I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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