the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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