I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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