hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
