So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
