There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
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The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
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I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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