it hurts more in the daytime
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
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