bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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