I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
