...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
