nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I just blew my weed a kiss
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
