my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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