Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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