my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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