I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
