no, he came in my armpit
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
