dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
