the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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