also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
