I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
