just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
my being single is dangerous.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
