Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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