I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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