woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
