Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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