you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
