I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
