he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
birth control should be required to get into college
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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