Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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