"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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