you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
