Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
i need some magic done to my vagina
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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