dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
