Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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