dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
