Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Randomize
