My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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