She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
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Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
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Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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