dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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