Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
