Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
