made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
