i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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