i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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