im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
