seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
