It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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