So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
