There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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