Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
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Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
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most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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