oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
