True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
