She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
