i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
