today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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