I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Who died my cat blue again?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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