Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
