Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize
