Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
