I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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