Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
