you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
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and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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