I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
