my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
