If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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