There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
