im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
