I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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