i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
