Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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