Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
