ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
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I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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