I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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