That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
