I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
This is my gift to your gina
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
