remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
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i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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